You're completely useless in the revolution.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
