Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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