I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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