I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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