Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't turn off my feet"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
