My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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