I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
