Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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