I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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