if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize