lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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