did you get engaged???
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
