and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
