puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
