Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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