So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
