I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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