We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
