great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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