Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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