Swine flu is the new snow day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
