You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
