Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
