is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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