I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
