my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
