when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
