so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
