so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
