Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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