You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
