dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
