he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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