how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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