I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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