i just identified you from a description of your pipe
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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