Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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