OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize