i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
