You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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