There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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