i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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