Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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