I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
