Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want her autograph on my taint
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
