I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
