I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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