Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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