theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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