He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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