Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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