you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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