Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
