Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
