two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
