I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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