Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I AM VODKA MAN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
