She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have aggressive nipples.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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