In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
