i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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