i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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