I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the day after is always just damage control
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
