it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dick very happy bro
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
