Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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