Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
