Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
