NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Text me some of your sweat
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
