i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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