i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
