Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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