If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
