well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
