last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
